A guy with marital problems wrote a letter to the system analyst (Marriage Software Division) of a software company:
Dear Systems Analyst,
I am desperate to get some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and discovered that the new program began unexpected Child Processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn’t mentioned in the product module. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization and then it monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as “Boys’ Night out 2.5” and “Golf 5.3” no longer run, and crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate selected “Saturday Rugby 6.3” always fails and “Saturday Shopping 7.1” runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run any of my favorite applications – be it online or offline.
I am thinking of going back to “Girlfriend 7.0”, but uninstall doesn’t work on this program. Can you please help ? …
…and this was the analyst’s reply
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding of the functions of the Wife 1.0 program. Many customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITY AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM. Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its programmer to run everything on your current platform.
You are unlikely to be able to purge (remove) Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the System once it is installed. Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors’ Fees).
Having Wife 1.0 installed, I recommend you keep it Installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the ……… C:\APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE_ME.EXE Program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key for it will freeze the entire system. It may be necessary to run C:\ APOLOGIZE\FORGIVE_ME.EXE several number of times and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal.
Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance program, can be very rewarding. To get the most out of it,consider buying additional Software such as “Flowers 2.0” and “Chocolates 5.0” or “HUGS\KISSES_600.0” or “TENDERNESS\UNDERSTANDING_1000.0” or even “Eating_Out_Without_The_Kids_7.2.1” (if Child processing has already started).
DO NOT under any circumstances install “Secretary2.1” (Short Skirt Version) or “One Nightstand 3.2” (Any Mood Version) as this is not a supported Application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly CRASH.
BEST WISHES !
And if everything fails, contact software maker – tech support and ask to speak to the Head of Operations – named GOD for solutions to your entire wife 1.0 software problem.
Yours in service, Systems Analyst.